I’m sorry.

Guys go through so much trouble when they like a girl. They talk to them, text them, message them, and ask them out for lunch. He’s sweet, he calls her cute, and she’s flattered.

But she doesn’t know that he likes her. She isn’t even interested in having a relationship and her radar has been stored away into the back of her head. She’s flattered, thinking that they’re becoming great friends.

She likes what they have, and he gives no indication that he wants more. She likes how easy it is to talk to him, to trade music, and to be around him.

Sometimes, she thinks about how she wouldn’t mind if they were to kiss, or hold hands, or hug. She thinks about how she wouldn’t mind if they were to sneak away sometimes to lie in the shade in companionable silence. But she brushes away the feelings as wishful thinking. She still doesn’t want a relationship, just emotional intimacy.

But then he starts pulling away. They talk less and less, and she doesn’t know how to approach him about it. Their timetables are too different. She’s always still awake by the time he goes to sleep, and sometimes she doesn’t get home until he’s been asleep for hours.

She loses the only person she trusted to confide in.

He moves on, disappointed that she never interpreted his hints correctly.

Now when they see each other, the tension of unfinished business vibrates between them, but they slip by each other silently.

They don’t dare speak.

Goodbye my almost lover
Goodbye my hopeless dream
I’m trying not to think about you

I just think you ought to know that I love you. I never told you, and you never told me, but I love you. I love you so much. You’re the one I pass in the halls and don’t know what to say. You’re the one I wish I could sneak away with and hold hands with. You’re the one I wish would call me “cute” again. You’re the one I wish I could have kissed in front of all of our friends and said, defiantly, “I don’t give a fuck.”

And I lost you because I didn’t know until it was too late.

I’m sorry.

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